The Connect Group

Uh.....is the world really ending May 21?

2011-05-19T01:29:00.000-07:00

It's May 19th.

Aside from the fact that my blogging hiatus is not entirely over, despite some promising signs of revival, now I find out the world is ending on May 21. Saturday.

Look I'm a numbers guy too, but Mr Harold Egbert Camping.......c'mon.

I'd like to be one of the 200 million being Raptured too, but just in case I'm not, please come back and let me know what I'm missing out on. I'm really really curious.

Joking aside, the positive thing out of these dire predictions is this: life is short. Harold thinks it is only going to last 2 days more. But reality is, our lives on this physical plane is finite. So make the most of it.

Let your desires for belonging and significance; drive you closer to your loved ones, make you reach out to the broken and lonely, take stock of what is truly important, truly beautiful and above all, don't waste time!

I had a friend of mine pass away recently. Early fifties. Cancer. I was honoured to know her. Yes she had some terrible days in her journey into eternity. Days unseen by me. Days alone. But her bravery and honesty was inspiring to all. She didn't want to die. She wanted to grow old with her husband, and watch her beautiful girls get married, and have kids. She wanted to live.

So in defiance of death. She lived. She laughed. Cried. And we did it with her. Through that we were so touched by her life. And she truly transcended death. 800 people showed up to celebrate her life.

So whether it be 2 days, or until you get hit by a car, or die in your sleep at the age of 101, time is precious. Life is precious. The amount of time is irrelevant.

Don't waste it like Harold is. All doom and gloom. That's no fun.

Wow. Really?

2011-03-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

OK. I'm trying to figure out how it's possible that my last post was in September 2010. It's now March 2011.

You know. The answer is priority. It's where you give time. And time is a limited commodity in this continuum. And I've chosen to spend it elsewhere.

But I'm determined. I'm back.

The Hike

2010-09-13T13:06:00.000-07:00

Once in awhile, I'm given a moment that you think only exists in the minds of movie screenwriters.

My nine year old son is a born adventurer. He enters fantasylands of action adventure in the valleys and tracks of our neighbourhood. He likes to make a path, not find one.

So we were camping last weekend by a lake, and behind the campside was a mountain (a hill). My son asked if I would join him on a hike up the mountain. I agreed.

He got his little backpack ready (flashlight, knife, some food and water) and we ventured up.

Now the hill seemed quite daunting as we started up. The vegetation was scratchy, the soil loose, and there was some talk of rattlesnakes. I was somewhat skeptical, but once I saw the copious sharp cacti and large rocks covering the ground, I became a bit more vigilant. I was particularly concerned about poison ivy and such, as I was in shorts......

I told my son to stomp up and down as he hiked, and watch where he was stepping, lest he stick his foot into a cactus or worse. I guided him to the ridges, where the vegetation was less dense than the valleys. We observed some strange insects, and I pointed out lichens growing on the rocks. I told him to beware of purple coloured berries, and we looked out for animal droppings.

The gradient steepened and we had been hiking for a good 30 minutes and he was tiring. I said "Only a little bit further over the first hump, and we'll see how much more we need to go to the top." He said OK. I took his backpack from him, and we kept going.

Sure enough, we could now see the summit, it seemed reachable, within our grasp.

As we got to the top, we turned around to see the path and distance we had taken, and were quite happy with ourselves. I started singing the Rocky theme and together we punched our fists in the air. We called out below, waving our arms. No one heard. But we smiled together.

We peered over the edge of the summit, to the steep valleys below. I held onto him, steadied his footing.

"It's a long way down, Dad." he said quite seriously. I nodded.

As we descended, my son led the way, chose the path, warned me of upcoming cacti and other dangers and half-way down, we had a water break. I told him going down a hill is faster, but that an accident going down was harder to control, and to lower his centre of gravity.

We sat on a large rock, shared a drink of water, and my son turned to me:

"Dad. You know how you showed me what to watch out for, be careful of, which path to take?"

I nodded.

"And you kept me going, and encouraged me to get to the top, and to keep going?"

I started getting a sense, but what came out of his mouth, took me aback.

"And you told me what's different about going up and going down?

He paused.

"Is that what you do Dad? Encourage me. Teach me. Help me? To know how to get somewhere? Point out what to watch out for? Is that what you do Dad?"

The breeze from the lake was blowing his hair gently, and I looked at his wonderful, curious, loving eyes.

And with a hint of a tear in my eye, I hugged him.

"Yes, son. That's what a Dad does. And that's what I'll do for the rest of my life."

He leaned into me for a moment, broke away and stood up.

"C'mon Dad. This way." he said with a smile.

Life is better than the movies.

Let's keep in touch

2010-05-10T17:30:00.000-07:00

Reciprocity. Frequency. Proximity. And somewhat redundantly Geography.

Relationships depend on these factors.

Reciprocity
It has to be mutual. You have to like each other. Check.

Frequency
You have to have some frequency of interaction. Once a month (average time period between my phone calls to my parents), three times a day (average frequency of phone calls my wife makes to her mother, sister, brother). Check

Proximity
Distance, matters. If you live down the street. You are my neighbour. I see you. Drive by. Walk by. In my house. In your house. Check

Geography
Well if an ocean separates us, it's either Titanic style cross the ocean, or its on a plane. If you live in N. America, you have the option of mega road-trips. Even Fed-Ex takes a bit longer if you live continents apart.

Relationships take place in the time-space continuum. As such, physical factors, and time factors are obvious.

So when is the last time you got handwritten snail mail. Chances are a parent licked a stamp.

We've got facebook, twitter, email, text, ping, skype, global satellite phones.

Yes, it's easier. But are we doing it? Keeping in touch. Pretending our friend in the South Pole, is down the street. With your webcam you show them the snowy Rocky mountains, with theirs they show you Bondi beach.

Snippets are easier. Sound bytes. Hello, how are you's. Face to face is almost there. But it's virtual. Pixels. Analog phones seemed closer. Because, chances are, when you used them , they were closer.

In the mind's eye, cyberreality didn't erase the distance.

And staying in touch has never been easier, but somehow, that stops us getting the D&Ms of face to face. Superficial. Shallow.

So you've creeped around Facebook and figured out the spousal and offspring of your long forgotten elementary school acquaintances. You (524) compete with your wife (942 and counting) on FB friends. Kidding.....actually no...really....but given up.

Keeping in touch could be a full time gig. But the reality is. You call who you want to. You get on a plane, and travel and sit down and break bread with the people you really want to compensate for the geography, proximity, frequency bit of the equation.

Quality time, not quantity time.

Sitting on a beach at Club Med, when your kids are in the KidzClub for 12 hours, does not constitute a family vacation. You are having a vacation from each other.

So hey, let's keep in touch. See you on Skype.

NOW vs. ALWAYS

2010-04-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

I took an online scriptwriting course a long while ago. We'd get on a chat forum and do speedwriting and critiquing each other's work. It was great; people from all over the world. One of the guys called me "binary Phil" because my characters were overly dramatic. Indeed there is an element of "0" or "1"-ness in my personality, and black and whiteness-ness. So it's no surprise that much of my blog posts seem that way too. It's just me, not much I can do about it.

Anyhoo.

I was driving somewhere recently, hurriedly, the focus of my NOW moment filled with elements of time, geography and information. And thoughts; a lot of thoughts. Then a quiet internal voice switched on and said "Focus on things that are ALWAYS." Weird.

Then the lightbulb.

I started to verbalize:

I will ALWAYS love my wife.
I will ALWAYS love my children.
I will ALWAYS cherish my parents.
I will ALWAYS love God.

I've written about the Eternal Now before, and this is really a riff on the same thing, but something about ALWAYS struck me. And most interestingly, the things I verbalised, had nothing to do with places, or time, or thoughts. Feelings and beings. Solid truths and convictions that I will not waver from.

Makes the NOW moments (finish this project, get to the meeting on time, pay bills, pick up kids) really trivial by comparison. I know life demands that we take care of the practicalities, and I'm not espousing the abandonment of taking care of the day to days of life.

I'm more interested in the FOCUS of life. The NOW moments or the ALWAYS moments.

Now here's another thought. What about focusing on the ALWAYS moments NOW.

I will always love my wife NOW.
I will always love my children NOW.

In Covey's 7 Habits, there is the time management quadrants: Urgent, Not urgent, Important, Not important.

So I guess let's make urgent, prioritize, the things that are important, and not be led by things that are indeed urgent, but perhaps not as important....by a long shot.

The Few vs. The Many

2010-03-28T12:37:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing wife. She's a brave soul. She puts herself out there, sometimes in pretty public situations, and does what she believes in her heart to do. She loves to "walk across the room" to where people are at, not where she is at.

My wife is confident, but she's not made of steel. She is soft-hearted woman with a big soul. So sometimes people don't "get her". Because she chooses the few, and not the many. Life is not a popularity contest, and some people will take you or leave you. That's the reality of people. And sometimes that hurts.

She recently chose to honour the few, whose journeys have been a life beyond adversity, some self-created, some not. She does not judge them. She honours them. For some, what my wife has done is to deliver some of the most significant moments of the lives of a few. Sure, she sometimes does that in front of the many, and causes some ire.

Makes me reflect on whose opinions we care about the most. Because we care. We do. Because we are human. We care because it is in the context of others that we live. Even those who isolate themselves, do so in context to that.

We care about the opinions of our parents early on, then our friends, and soon our peers sometimes enemies. Once in school it may be in the context of that little ecosystem where we want to belong, to be significant. Then our workplaces.......as we create our own ecosystems, we may even, in the case of a politician, care about the general populace, the many.

As we get older though, in private, we often revert back to the opinions of those who love us, and those we love. Most likely, the few. Those in faith life, they may hold central, the opinions of a God. The One.

There are naysayers everywhere, armchair critics, consumers and reactionaries of life. Yes, I am also often one. I judge, but don't like to be judged.

So I leave you with this question:

Do you care about the opinions of "the many", most of whom you do not know, and cares not about you, or the opinions of "the few" who have a deep interest in your life and well-being?

Listen

2010-02-23T01:09:00.000-08:00

I'm not good at it. Ask my wife. My children.

I try. I really do. But I love the sound of my own voice, and the superiority of my thoughts.

Lately.....I am starting. To listen.

Not to the chirping of the birds per se, the sound of the wind, or the moving melody of a favourite song; but the voice; from within.

Now before you recommend a psychotherapist, these aren't the "voices".

It's the inner dialogue. It's truth through questions.

It's not so much hearing, but seeing.

It's a pause. An exhale. It's the clarity. Selah.

So settle the cacophony of the day.

And listen.

Someone wants to talk to you.

And someone wants to listen.

Buy Cheap/Buy Twice: False Economy

2010-01-17T12:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes ignorance can be bliss.

In the last 12 months (as I get older), I'm looking to reset, and reboot areas of my life, and the life of my family. Stagnant, thoughtless, purposeless repetition....avoid, avoid, avoid!

Education has been at the centre of this process. And the internet has been a boon.

Between thestoryofstuff and Food inc. and many other books and documentaries, I'm severely challenged by the knowledge of what the global consumer economy is doing to humanity and the planet. Driven by price, and price alone......the land of $20 DVD players, $1000 cars, cheap sushi, Big Macs etc......

So let's consume.....differently.

The old adage of "buy cheap, buy twice" has never been truer. Not only has this definition of false economy endured, its essence is now amplified. If you buy cheap, not only will you buy twice, three times etc., but ultimately you will pay in other ways...pollution, illness. These back-end costs are infinitely worse and are past your own lifespan, but onto the lives of your children and grandchildren, their health, well-being......

Buy BETTER, Buy LESS
Better quality the first time......less trips to the returns department, less testing of the warranty policy, less time wasted, better quality consumer goods....less line-up time, car time, internet price checking time, emotional expenditure.....

Buy ORGANIC, Buy LESS
Have you looked at how much organic chicken/beef is? It's more per lb/kg. So simply.....EAT LESS! COOK SLOWER....

I have bought Wagyu beef a couple of times. Crazy stuff.....so expensive, and so rich, that you can't eat a lot of it.....so you buy cheaper cuts, cook it slowly (you can't barbecue it anyway, it will all melt away), and eat less of it.....

Now, less meat? Hmmmm. It's happening naturally, but I'm not going to be vegetarian...unless it's medically prescribed....call it weakness or short sightedness...but I like red meat.

Having said that a few trips to Real Food Daily in Santa Monica, opened my mind and palate up to the reality of really tasty and filling vegetarian meals......so tofu steaks....sure! Now if I can only figure how to use less salt when I eat vegetarian....

And true to form.....each of us, everyday, doing something a little bit different, will lead to....incremental exponentialism of course!

Let the snowballing begin.

Science of the Mind vs. Art of the Heart

2010-01-12T08:54:00.000-08:00

Tangible logic is overrated.....obsessing about the detail of observable reality.

So here I am, re-processing something I've heard that resonated with me: Art of the Heart. So Chris Wiersma, apologies as I continue to hijack the words of others.

We are humans......and not information processors.....we are not machines....but we spend a great deal of time, money and resources to investigate how machine-like we are, not how human we are.

In the Matrix, when Neo meets the Architect, the Architect, a construct of digital code, views with disdain the organic, illogical, contradictory and ultimately strangeness of humanity.

Art of the Heart.....do we really have to make that much sense?

Should we not invest more time into our own humanity?

INVICTUS

2010-01-07T09:30:00.000-08:00

Though it will be highly unlikely that I am going to face circumstances as severe and important as Nelson Mandela, I was profoundly affected by the film Invictus, and in particular the scene, where Francois Peinaar, the Springboks captain visits Mandela's cell, and imagines Mandela in prison; breaking up rocks, sleeping on a blanket; powerful stuff.

Here is William Ernest Henley's short poem published in 1888, 102 years before Mandela's release in 1990.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM A SNOWBALL: The Concept of Incremental Exponentialism

2009-12-28T23:10:00.000-08:00

If you know me, then I rabbit on A LOT about incremental exponentialism, which is really my fancy way of describing compounding, or snowballing.

I like snow.

I didn't grow up with an abundance of it. It was a special thing to see it, touch it, play in it, ski down it, and get hit by it.

The proverbial snowball, made up of millions of unique snowflakes, compressed, getting larger as it rolls down the hills, or as a child rolls one around to make a snowman...picking up a thin layer which starts to add exponentially to the surface area and indeed the volume and mass of the snowball. Put simply....what starts small quickly grows unexpectedly.

So what can you learn from a snowball? A lot.

NARRATIVE: A story shaped life

2009-11-29T13:20:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I hope this is not an egregious plagiaristic effort vis a vis Bob Osborne's insightful message at WKC. Bob, if you ever read this....maybe we should write this book together.

I love stories. That said, it is the cinematic story that most captures my imagination, soul and spirit. I've written about 7-8 full length screenplays (1 shot), the last one about 3 years ago. As a crash course reference, typically there are 90 pages to a script, each page representing 1 minute of screentime.

It is amazing how true this holds, whether it is a script for Transformers or for a Woody Allen flick, the rule of thumb holds true. I analogize this with a person of action, outdoorsy adventure type, or a contemplative philosopher, musing and dialoguing.

So we too have a narrative. The story of our lives. Like a classic story, we have a beginning, middle & end. At least in our 90 (let's hope) years upon this earth. Some of us may be a short story, and some of us will be 3 hour epics (OK 180 years is a long time!)

As plot development goes, Act 1: the beginning is in the first 10-20 minutes. It sets up the protagonist (the main character); their character, their motivations. So it is with us: from conception to adulthood; formative, foundational.

Act 2: the middle. Full of conflict, developments, ups and downs. Frequently with a building excitement. Multiple story arcs; threaded in; subtexts: underlying tensions and driving forces. The the climax, and also perhaps a big gloom......right before the happy, or unhappy ending. It occupies 50-60 minutes. By time the majority of the story..not necessarily by intensity. Typically the part of a movie, if not well written, might get lost, might forget what type of movie it is, might get boring and repetitive.

Act 3: the end. Typically with much resolution, tying up loose ends, looking towards the future. Sometimes ending in joy, or despair. Mostly, the effects of Act 1 and 2 coming to a satisfying or often unsatisfying culmination. Some with great "payoffs", some leaving you hanging....with only questions.

So people often say that there is a "book in everyone of us", I say that we intentionally and accidentally create a story of our own, with our life, with its own narrative, its quirks and incidents, its profound and mundane episodes.

So what is your narrative: action-adventure? drama? comedy? tragedy? thriller? What is your story shaped life?

Upgrade: Introduction

2009-11-26T00:16:00.000-08:00

On a related diversion from Belonging and Significance, I am increasingly aware of our search for the Upgrade. They feed on our need for belonging and significance.

That word upgrade may conjure up legroom, champagne, a flight attendant who isn't an old grumpy witch, there are smiles, whether eyes are opened or closed, beds that lay flat rather than being squeezed between two obese travelers.

It's a classic extension of the class system. Virgin actually calls it Upper Class....straight to the point...the lounge, the manicure, the massage, the limousine to and from...oh it's a bit of rock star heaven wrapped up in an 18 hour journey. You belong to Upper Class, you are significant in Upper Class.

A.B.C. Bronze/Silver/Gold/Platinum/Black/Titanium.....1st, 2nd, 3rd.

Incremental Revolutions are what they seem. To get past that threshold has the promise of an almost alternate reality. Some subtle changes, leading to the promise of so, so, so much more.

Upgrade. Our house, our car, our spouse, our bodies, our life.

The corner office. The house on the lake. The hotel suite.

We dare not believe in total transformation. But an upgrade. We can believe in that.

GRIEF

2009-11-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

I spent 80+ days with my in-laws since March. I stay with them, when I go near them for business, once or twice a month. It's a notably large amount of time to spend with one's in-laws, and for some it might not be a desired activity, but for me it has been an unusual blessing. Made all the more poignant by the fact that my father-in-law passed away on October 7, 2009.

A man, many know by his accomplishments, but I know by his character and humanity. A man who cheated death numerous times, most recently making a miraculous recovery from March onwards (his heart stopped for 2 minutes in heart surgery). A man who died suddenly in his son's arms, 4 days after his 50th anniversary.

I grieve that he is no longer there, when I visit. I will sit, as I did this past week, and have dinner with my mother-in-law, an empty chair painfully obvious, the conversation less lively, the talk mainly of memories.

I grieve, for his daughter, my wife, misses him so. His grandchildren, who speak daily of loss, even my little 4 year old girl. Her "I love you daddy" is followed often by "grandpa died...."

I grieve that heaven's gain, seems a disproportionate loss on earth.

I grieve, because I catch myself in moments of joy, laughter and brevity.....and his loss springs back...top of mind....my smile fades...I grow suddenly quiet....

I grieve, because inexplicable triggers manifest....I find myself feeling like I've cried for hours...when I haven't shed a tear at all...when the gap left by a person seems impossibly large.

I grieve not to cope, but as the only option left to me. For denial, or "getting over it" seems foolish and trite. So I face the freight train, horns blaring....I can survive this collision with deep emotion again...like a crashing wave.

I grieve.

50 Years of Marriage

2009-10-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my in-laws celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. I was entasked with producing a video for it. As I pored through hundreds of photos, I journeyed through rich and varied lives. Here it is. It's 6 minutes long. I hope it does something for you.

The Serenity Prayer

2009-10-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

If you go to AA or other 12 step programs. You'll know this one.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Just for today.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

The first paragraph is usually the part that most people know. Authorship is unknown. But just like open source it is open to interpretation, revision and improvement.

I hope you read it, and the purpose of the prayer gives you a glimpse of the peace that you are seeking.

Here's a variation I kinda like too.

God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change

courage to change the one I can change,

and wisdom to know it’s me.

Heaven is the Face

2009-09-30T16:50:00.001-07:00

I don't talk about matters of faith very often on this blog. I certainly don't talk about heaven very much. For those of you who know of him, Steven Curtis Chapman is a well regarded Christian music artist.

He has adopted several children from China. Last year, one of his adopted daughters was run over by his own son. It is a gut-wrenching tragedy, and one wonders how someone can cope with the loss first, and the circumstances of the loss.

I encourage you to view this video of a song Steven wrote; inspired by his little girl in heaven. Listen, read the words and make sure you get to the end.

Only God can give the strength to endure, to turn tragedy into a song of hope.

Promises

2009-08-31T10:01:00.000-07:00

They're easy to make.

"We'll hang out son, go rafting maybe. This afternoon. I promise."

I didn't do it. My son's heart sank. My son trusts me. But each time I break a promise, and disappoint him, I confirm to him, that no one, not even his dad, keeps his promises.

He'll expect it less. He'll do it less.

Friendships. Marriage. Parenthood. There's a lot of implicit and explicit promises made in these relationships.

So, the next time I'm tempted to make a loose promise. I'm not going to think twice. I'm just not going to do it. Because they are important to keep.

And that's a promise.

THE 3RD EAR

2009-07-31T09:11:00.000-07:00

My wife has a skill. I call it her 3rd Ear. She has the uncanny ability to track 2-3 conversations in our immediate vicinity, particularly in a restaurant setting. So-and-so were fighting about this, and the table behind us were talking about that.....meanwhile not skipping a beat with our own conversation. It happened last night. It was our 15th anniversary.

Now this is an endearing quality of hers, so I personally don't have an issue with it. Eavesdropper? Yes. Nosy parker? Yes. She is truly an expert observer of human interactions, and takes people watching to a whole new level.

My father also had this skill. My mother told me about her first date with him, where he seemingly was totally engrossed in conversation, yet knew exactly what people were talking about around him, and gave a report to my mother at the end of their date!!!

Should my wife have pursued a career with the CIA? Oh yes. Not only does she have the 3rd ear, she can also assess the relationship status of people at an adjacent table within 10 seconds, by clothing, body language and other social cues that are lost on me. And it doesn't hurt that strangers are very comfortable telling her their most secret personal details within 10 minutes of meeting her.

I never had a chance.

Simplicity

2009-06-24T09:15:00.000-07:00

Keep it Simple Stupid. K-I-S-S.

I was sitting at Denny's today, watching my little girl eat her Smiley Alien Pancake (3 pancakes, bacon and whipped cream). While the meal would give a nutritionist a heart attack, the simple pleasure of chatting with my 4 year old as she engaged with her meal (yes she played with her food) reminded me that life is made of choices and moments, and the more you can share those choices and moments, the richer life is.

We weren't meant to live this life alone. Get together with those you love, and do something simple.

THE ANYWAY POEM

2009-06-08T14:00:00.000-07:00

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered; Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

Things that take time, are good for you, and sort of free

2009-05-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

I've got some perpetual objectives in my family: spend more time together, engage in healthy activities, teach them to care about other people outside of themselves. In context of the global recession somewhat, I have the following perspectives:

1. Teach our children to spend less time in front of a screen, whether it's a TV or a computer.
2. Teach them to be something more than consumers.
3. Teach them to spend more time in healthier activities.

"Monkey see monkey do". So it starts with us. Don't switch on the TV or computer until your kids are bed.

So my premise is: What are the things that will substitute the time spent in front of a TV and computer, that is good for you, and doesn't cost a lot of money, and you can do as a family.

1. Spend at least one night a week playing games. Not video games. Games. Monopoly. Card games.
2. Spend at least one hour per week, taking a family walk.
3. Go to the park, bring sandwiches, fruit and drinks. It's called a picnic. Once a month.
4. Find somewhere you can volunteer as a family once a month.

Don't just go to a movie. Don't just go to the mall. Don't just sit and watch TV. Break the habit. I guarantee you. If you do points 1-4 for 3 months, you will have a radically different family life, and you'll save money too! And have lost some weight to boot.

Can't lose.

Greed/Faith may be the opposite of fear but they are not the answer

2009-05-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

In the past I have written about market psychology (Greed vs. Fear) and spiritual psychology (Faith vs. Fear). It speaks to our mindset, our disposition, our perspective. But neither Greed nor Faith are the antidote of fear. Faith almost but not quite.

If fear is a state, a condition of insecurity and paranoia, then only an action can overcome it; to change that state. If greed, an overwhelming state of selfishness, then again, it takes an action to alter it.

This action, is LOVE.

Love overcomes fear and love changes greed.

So if you find yourself in either the states of fear this week, defeat it with love.

The Story of Stuff

2009-04-20T15:29:00.001-07:00

Once in a while, your fragmented hunches, fears, speculations are packaged by another person in such a succinct, and clear way, that it galvanizes it all. I'm more troubled by what I might need to do, now that I am no longer "ignorant."

http://www.storyofstuff.com

20 minutes of your time. Stark reality of sustainability or the lack thereof. Even if you believe only 20% of it, think of the billions in China and India who want to live the "dream".

Pass it on, provoke thought. Provoke action

SPRING

2009-04-11T10:39:00.000-07:00

For us in the Northern Hemisphere, Easter marks Spring.

For us in the North of the Northern Hemisphere, we're talking about the snow maybe, just maybe, melting for the very last time.

The season conjures up colors: greens, bright florals, and signifies: life, rebirth, growth, hope and promise.

So I sincerely wish you all a thaw to all that is frozen, and the blossoming of dormant things, and life to all that might be dead; resurrected.

Happy Easter.

Significance

2009-03-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

Do you have burning desire to MAKE IT, or BE FAMOUS? If you asked a kid, I'm sure "I wanna be famous" is the norm not the exception. If you asked a twenty year-old it would probably be affirmative for both.

"Fake it till you make it" is probably more of a life ethos for many, rather than a novelty T shirt line.

SIGNIFICANCE. To matter. To be known. To make a difference. To leave a legacy. A core need of humanity.

Paths to significance are as individual and varied as there are people on this earth. In the book Outliers, Malcom Gladwell (of Tipping Point, Blink fame: two significant books) delves deeply into the stories and insights into the development of significant and exceptional people like Bill Gates. Much of it is accidental, coincidental, circumstantial. But deep inside these individuals was a desire to be significant.

Sure, aptitude, training and context are all contributing factors. Napoleon, Genghis Khan and Hitler all had urges to be significant. But significance was merely the by-product of Jesus, Mother Teresa, and many other influential people to have existed.

Some inspired fear, others inspired faith. Some inspired war, others peace. Some for a time, some for eternity.

So consider what that word or concept means to you today:SIGNIFICANCE.

SOMETHING TO PROVE?

2009-02-15T20:10:00.000-08:00

I was a pretty scrawny kid. On outward appearance I could not possibly be a very strong athlete, except for the fact that before adolescence kicked in fully, I was 75% legs. yup, since I was 12, I have been a 31 inch inseam, my legs grew first, and I had the torso of a 3 year old.

The advantages to this freakish body, was that I was super light. On my first cross country run, I came 5th or something like that in my class. My lungs were burning, but as I hunched over, I realised that I could be pretty good at this.

So with no one's encouragement, or even sense of competition, and with no one really knowing, I would awake at first light, leave the front door unlocked, and run for 30 minutes, and sneak back in before breakfast, each day, for months.

In the ensuing years I became a very proficient cross country and middle distance runner. Represented the school and went to track meets.

Then I met this girl on the track team. She was a very fast 200m runner. She was dating this guy who was a fast 50m butterfly swimmer....

Now, suffice it to say that distance running and sprint swimming require some very different skills.

In Phys-Ed, though I was a pretty good swimmer, trying to do 50m of butterfly, all flailing arms, and gulping water, was a bit of an embarrassment.

Now, there wasn't a guarantee that whoever was the fastest under 15 50m butterfly swimmer was going to win the heart of this 200m sprinter, but hey, I was young and dumb and it seemed to make sense.

So.....at first light, I snuck out, and swam. The 50 m butterfly. Perfected my dolphin kick. Got the sweeping arms going. Breathed every other stroke. Timed the final stretch to the wall.

It was a cold November day. The day of the swim meet. The sprinter was there. The 50m butterfly guy, who I will call the Albatross was there. He was about a foot taller than me and had crazy long arms. We both made it into through the heats, the quarters, the semis. He was in lane 4, and I in lane 8 of the finals. I won. I dated the girl. I became part of the swim team for the next few years. My specialty: the 50m butterfly.

Two of my main high school athletic accomplishments, running and swimming.

One spurred on by some strange dysfunctional growth proportion thing, and some surprisingly singular drive to get better at something you're naturally OK at.

The other, by the seemingly impossible task of being the best at something you were the worst at, motivated by the desire to date a 200m sprinter.

Running. I had nothing to prove. Except to myself. I wasn't really even fussed about the competitive element, as I am not naturally a competitive person.

Swimming. I had everything to prove. To win the girl. To show her that there was something spectacularly romantic about a guy who would train daily, cold and alone, to win her heart through besting her boyfriend in a swimming race. So misguided, but ultimately successful.

No one knew that there were such different motivating factors to what seemed to others, as my natural aptitude in becoming really good at swimming and running. Only I did. And maybe my bemused PE teacher, who lost a distance runner and gained a sprint swimmer.

This is perhaps the most long winded prelude to the point of my blog today. What drives you? Motivates you? If you seek success, why do you seek it? Do you have something to prove? Do you do it for your own sense of accomplishment, or are you driven by the approval or recognition by others?

I'm constantly surprised by stories of people who are driven by things like: being called a failure by their father, decide to "show him", and become wildly successful, or accomplish incredible feats.

Or hypercompetitive people, who just want to be stronger, faster, better. Bigger house, nicer car, hotter spouse. A life in context, rather than a life in and of itself.

Do you have something to prove? Has a past hurt fueled your pursuits? Are you disproving the doubts of others in achieving greatness in something?

Or are you at peace with who you are?

FRIENDS BY CHOICE, NOT BY CHANCE

2009-02-09T01:45:00.000-08:00

School. Neighbourhood. Workplace. Sports. You meet people. You become friends.

Tennis buddies, poker buddies. Friends you do things with.

People you eat together with, live together with.

Perhaps first by chance, but ultimately by choice.

When life changes, geographic distance come into play. Those friendships are tested. Then you know who are your friends by choice, and who you choose to be friend of.

Belonging

2009-02-07T18:02:00.001-08:00

I don't really remember when I got switched on to this, but I'm convinced that belonging and significance is, outside from the great shortage of love in the world, what global society lacks the most, and what we hunger for, in our core.

So let's talk about belonging. My wife was telling about someone she knows, who was adopted, and who was then "abandoned" later in life, when a birth child came a long. I also know someone, whose parents adopted and fostered dozens of children, some from the far corners of the world. The heartbreaking story is that some of these children, some that were saved from certain death, are now turning their backs on the people who have loved them and nurtured them.

These are difficult stories to hear, absorb and process.

I am eternally grateful that I belong to my birth family, and now my own family. I am someone who was, since childhood, was looking for a lifetime companion, and was fortunate enough to find one. I belong to her, and she to me. My children belong to me, and me to them. Its such a symbiotic thing. Not co-dependence. Just being. Together. Individuals. But together.

We long to belong.

PRAYER FOR CHILDREN

2009-01-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

I've been contemplating the luxuries of the developed world, and the insane relative privilege that my children are accustomed to. I am planning for the opportunity for their young lives to intersect with the reality of poverty, and the billion children who live in it.

I heard this in a Sunday message, and it was exactly the juxtaposition of privilege vs. poverty that is jarring, and impossible to ignore. Some amazing people who I know, one well, the others by handshake and brief interaction have launched a movement called Compassionart ( www.compassionart.tv ). Another story where those who know, have been compelled to act.

So I urge you to be shocked, disgusted, heartbroken. And may the realities of this poem turn you into an activist for the least of these.

PRAYER FOR CHILDREN by Ina Hughes
We pray for the children who sneak Popsicles before
supper, who erase holes in math workbooks, who can
never find their shoes. And we pray for those who stare
at photographers from behind barbed wire, who can't
bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers, who
never "counted potatoes," who never go to the circus,
who live in an X-rated world.

We pray for children who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions, who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money. And we pray for those who never get dessert, who have no safe blanket to drag behind them, who watch their parents watch them die, who can't find any bread to steal, who don't have any rooms to clean up, whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser, whose monsters are real.

We pray for children who spend all their allowance before Tuesday, who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food, who like ghost stories, who shove dirty clothes under the bed, who never rinse out the tub, who get visits from the tooth fairy, who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool, who squirm in church and scream in the phone, whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

And we pray for those whose nightmares come in the daytime, who will eat anything, who have never seen a dentist, who aren't spoiled by anybody, who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep, who live and move, but have no being. We pray for children who want to be carried and for those who must, who we never give up on and for those who don't get a second chance. For those we smother and...for those who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

THAT TIME OF YEAR

2008-12-19T07:38:00.000-08:00

That time of year:
1. Whether happy or sad, good or bad, you reflect on the past.
2. Whether filled with excitement, or overcome with dread, you look into the future.
3. When you are grateful for what you have.
4. When you mourn what you have lost.
5. When the joys of family are celebrated.
6. When the pain of being alone is truly felt.
7. When you think so much about your own predicament, you are forced to think about the predicament of others.

So don't deny the annual ritual, but take stock, take a deep breath, and love those you love. And love those you don't even know.

And most of all, be grateful that you can.

May the end of this year, be filled with as much love, joy and peace as you are hoping for in the next.

I RISE

2008-11-05T05:53:00.000-08:00

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

MAYA ANGELOU

FAITH = GREED Pt 2

2008-10-18T18:42:00.000-07:00

Turns out Warren Buffett shares my view on buying on fear and selling on greed.

So, how does faith fit in?

Well faith is the opposite of fear. In the markets, greed is the opposite of fear.

Intuitively it means that when things are going well, it's easy to have faith, and it's easy to have greed. The last 10 years have seen the growth of the megachurch and the hyper-debt fueled asset explosion which is now finally unwinding.

Somewhere along the journey, our spiritual life and our material life have become so entertwined, that our faith, I believe has commingled with our greed ie. the love of money. The prayer of Jabez, and other fads that have swept Christiandom pair the two words together.

On one hand, if generosity and social justice is the offshoot of the wealth/faith continuum, then I think that is in general a positive thing, for those in need. However, the spiritual mindset of those who are at the source of this wealth transfer is what I question.

I'm not proposing that we pray for poverty, or lack, as that would be contrary to Bible. God blesses, and abundance is our inheritance. But the messages from the pulpits of some megachurches may be propagating a blurring of the faith/greed line.

Perhaps, instead of praying for more wealth (and to be fair, more to give away) we should be praying for humility and holiness. God is not a genie, and he is not around to grant wishes. He exists for us to worship, to submit, to be a servant of.

So for all those, who are doing well financially and growing in wealth; what are you praying for? More wealth? Take a look at the % you are giving away, and maybe you'll find that the amounts you give away are getting bigger, but the % has not.

So now that times are tough, and those in need are on the rise, and fear is ruling the world, perhaps a response of true faith, in the one who is worthy to have faith in, will take its rightful place.

Peace.

FAITH = GREED Pt 1

2008-10-06T07:46:00.000-07:00

OK. The title of this blog is the title of a book that I am working on.

I've been a person of the Christian faith for 16 years, almost exactly. At the time, I was employed by Merrill Lynch, the investment bank. From the outset, I found the greed factor highly refreshing, it was overt and "clean"; not covered up with any real noble causes. Make money for others, make money for yourself.

Upon coming to Christ however, I did have a crisis of whether to stay involved in such a business. My resolution, be a person of faith, and attract the curious.

So suffice it to say that the word Greed, the Gordon Gekko "Wall St." kind of greed, has been well absorbed into my psyche and understanding. As a trader in the markets, you had to understand this word. It was, and is, one of the driving forces from which all self-interest of its participants could be understood. Analyzing the types and levels of greed, was helpful to my work.

The other driving force, is, of course, Fear. Suffice it to say that the systemic global financial risks that exist in the world today, would certainly be worthy of some fear. Fear of the known: things are going to get worse; fear of the unknown: how bad is it going to get. As a market participant, certainly fear is also a great thing to understand: your own, your fellow professionals, and the public.

I also developed quite a simple method of relative success. When I was most fearful, I bought. It worked. Turned out that my emotional decision making was no more sophisticated that a kind grandmother, responding to the headlines of the day. So when I wanted to buy, I sold. When I wanted to sell, I bought. 60/40 success rate was all I needed.

Well that's enough for Part One.

PS. Can't believe I didn't post in September. Must be something to do with moving houses (again) and travelling to Australia and back.

Randy Pausch redux

2008-08-21T23:59:00.000-07:00

OK. Again a bit late with this one.

Randy Pausch died July 25, 2008. His last lecture watched a zillion times, Oprah, the book. Whoa. Remember Yul Brynner? Both had ads play after their deaths. Posthumous power. A legacy. A life beyond death. A life beyond yourself.

So many authors, composers, artists. More famous and influential after their deaths, than in their short lives. Jesus most of all. Still rockin it 2000 years later. Technically not dead of course.

If your goals end at your death, then you'll live it like that. If your goals are set in terms of generations, you'll probably choose more carefully, what you do with each day you are given.

Choose wisely.

Simple Prayer

2008-08-21T23:54:00.000-07:00

God. Help me be the worshipper you made me to be, the man that I was created to be, the husband that I longed to be, the father that I hoped to be, the son that I have to be, and the friend that I chose to be.

Let it be.

IF

2008-08-21T23:53:00.000-07:00

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling...the jungle book guy

ON THE MOVE

2008-08-16T06:45:00.000-07:00

No meaningful post here really. But another geographic milestone.

We arrived in Wolseley/Regina Saskatchewan on April 26th from LA. Same continent, different universe.

Almost 4 months, 30,000 kms (at least) of commuting later, we are moving AGAIN.

New city, new house, new school (for the kids).

Another season ends, another season begins.

We are hoping this one will last!

Hope this post finds you well.

MILESTONES

2008-07-13T15:30:00.000-07:00

Noticed the date a few days ago. It's been a year since my family and I have changed countries/continents. Amazing.

On July 11, 2007 we hopped on a plane from Sydney to Los Angeles.

On April 26, 2008 we hopped on a plane from Los Angeles to....Wolseley, Saskatchewan. Town of 1,000.

On August 15th, 2008 we will...yes hop on a plane (we're like kangaroos), from Regina to Calgary, Alberta.

Suffice it to say, that I am sincerely hoping that the hopping is going to stop for a while.

Late.

THE MESSAGE OF YOUR LIFE

2008-06-10T06:11:00.000-07:00

Many of you will have heard from Randy Pausch. I must have been living in a cave when all that broke, on YouTube, Oprah etc.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Well check it out yourself.....

A good many years ago I did a branding project for a company. For it I interviewed key management and one of the questions was:

If you had 5 minutes, in a stadium of 100,000, and with 5 billion watching on TV, what would you say/do? What would be your message?

Randy Pausch had over an hour to give his last lecture. And the power of YouTube and Oprah to boot.

Most of us will not have such an audience to tell our message.....but we have our LIFETIME to live it.

What is your message? Are you living it? What a very challenging question.

To be super honest, right now, I don't really think I'm living it....I'm not even sure I know it, in detail enough to frame it and express it to you.

Let's learn our message. Live our message. I'm sure it's bigger than how you are living now.

what's your financial age

2008-05-22T23:11:00.000-07:00

You know how you come up with something, and then you check it on the internet, and tons of people have had the same idea.....well a while ago, I was speaking with a friend of mine...who will remain nameless, coz he's a great guy...but I called him a a financial toddler. He was just very financially unaware, and frankly was a serial overspender.

So I thought. We've got our chronological age, but what's our financial age.....do we save, do we have a plan, do we budget etc. etc. do we have financial maturity.

Anyway, so I thought maybe there would be a book in it, and there might be, but I found this incredibly insightful and short quiz on http://www.unbiased.co.uk/financial-age-tool which is on the site for indie financial advisers in the UK. Take the quiz and ponder what it's trying to ask you.

Then look back on my incremental exponentialism blog.....it all ties in!

Big Picture and all the Small Details

2008-04-30T11:32:00.000-07:00

I'm old enough to remember listening to American Top 40 with Casey Kasem. His signoff was always significant to me "Keep your feet on the ground, but keep reaching for the stars." It's a big tangential but related to this post. Because when you look down at your feet, it's not very far away, it's right beneath you. You can see the detail. When you reach for the stars though, it's expansive, limitless, and requires a telescope to see the details.

I told my wife the other day, after a particularly bad decision I made. Please regularly ask me these two questions:

1) Are you keeping the Big Picture in mind?
2) Do you know all the Small Details?

As it has been said, "You need to know where you are going, to figure out how you are going to get there." I'm good at the Big Picture. Projecting, framing, conceptualizing. I'm also pretty good at Small Details. The minutae, the legalese, the things that can trip you up. But I'm sometimes not so good at keeping those two in balance, and context. I can easily get lost in the visioneering, or bogged down in the small details. So I'm happy that I have a wife who will keep me accountable to these two questions, which really help me make decisions, and proceed with my everyday.

After all, its the daily decisions we make that have a cumulative effect of our life's outcome, in technicolor dynamic real-time.

So ask yourself these two questions today.

Maintenance

2008-04-11T17:39:00.000-07:00

Turned forty recently, and almost with clockwork precision:

1) Metabolism slowed down
2) Started to go grey
3) Skin not as bouncy as usual.

When you buy a new car, it comes under warranty for a good deal of time. Services are infrequent, and repairs are minor. Come 150,000 miles, and a many years later, maintenance may need to be more frequent, and repairs get more expensive, as do the accompanying parts.....

So what's my point.....as I ponder mortality for the first time in my life, it's come to my attention, that as we get older, we need to more purposefully take care of ourselves, as our physical selves from here on out may decline at an alarming rate without making an effort to keep things working. Yes, I'm talking about eating better, exercising more, and just paying more attention to upkeep.

Take a house for example. You don't even notice the paint flaking at first, but without attention and maintenance, it will quickly deteriorate.

So do something that's good for your body today. Something healthy. Let' live long and healthy lives.

Cheers

LIFE WITHOUT SEAT BELTS

2008-04-04T23:30:00.000-07:00

I'm old enough to remember: laying in the back window shelf...yup, where the speakers are behind the rear seats. Usually I would look up at the sky and occassionally, get car sick looking back at the vehicle following us.

Yes I know Princess Di would probably have survived, if she were wearing her seat belt, and Lord knows how many lives have been saved since the advent of mandatory seat belts.

I have a couple of pet hates: the big food/big pharma/big insurance conspiracy, but namely big insurance. I really don't like insurance companies. For those involved in that industry, or have benefitted from having insurance, I don't intentionally want to offend you.

Now insurance feeds off fear. ie. what if negative scenario analysis. Flood, fire, accident......acts of God. Where maiming gets you more money than dying........where they calculate odds to do with your life/death issues.

Yes, seat belts save lives. And your insurance is lower because of them......

But remember life without seat belts? Unbridled, carefree. Think about it. A life without fear. Full of hope. Full of faith. Full of peace.

OPTIONALITY

2008-03-27T13:53:00.000-07:00

I used to trade options based on stocks. These were known variously as call options and put options. You might be familiar with employee stock options: the employer gives employees the right to buy company shares at a fixed (usually discounted) price. It gives people ownership. But I digress.

There is inherent optionality in life. Options typically have a fixed expiry date. So does life. It typically has what is known as the strike price, this is the price from which the value of the option is calculated against. We could regard this as where we are at at birth for example. In a call option, the higher the value of the stock, the higher the value of the option. This is typically intrinsic value + time value. So during your lifetime, you have a fixed period of time to create value. You could measure this in $ earned in a lifetime for example.

On a balance sheet, you need to depreciate assets eg. computers. We all know that a computer is not going to last forever. In fact, even if it works fine, it will be incompatible with a lot of new software etc. in only a year's time. So suffice it to say that things don't last forever. Thus they ALL have optionality: a fixed period of time to be of value or not.

So when we expire, will we expire worthless? Or will we expire with a lot of intrinsic value......for those puzzled by this, I'll try and expand upon this concept in due course.

Thanks for reading.

JONAH & THE WHALE, AND GETTING THE MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK

2008-03-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

For the last 9 years I've had a general sense of unease about something I believed I should devote my time to seeing come to pass. It involves putting on an event in a country where such a thing would be difficult to pull off. In the last 5 years in fits and starts I have kept the possibility alive, but never put it all on the line to get it done.

In the meantime I have variously spent my time:

1) Doing nothing
2) Doing things to distract myself from doing THE thing

So like Jonah, I've been running away. But the sense that this could be my "Signs" moment-- you know from the movie: the little girl who places glasses of water all around the house, the brother who has wasted his prodigious baseball batting skills; only to discover that the aliens threatening earth can be destroyed by water--this could be the moment, the task, the ONE THING, that I was asked to do by God, and I have found all manner of ways to avoid actually doing it. Tried to hand it off to others....

But it won't go away, I can't stop thinking about it, and it's possible I'm sitting in the belly of the whale and don't even know it.

I can't shake this perennial burden that I need to stop thinking of other things to occupy my time, and focus on getting this thing done. Mostly from the point of view that I need to be obedient to God, but really just to seek the peace, and the removal of the burden that I currently have.

SO......are you doing what you are supposed to do....or are you finding every reason not to do it. 9 years on. Mine is still here, and its getting unbearable.

Financial Statements VS. Life

2008-02-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

I've been looking at a lot of financial statements lately. Profit and Loss statements. Balance Sheets. Cashflow statements. Reconciling accounts.

It got me thinking: if I were to take a snapshot right now of my life, and somehow could define and quantify the assets and liabilities, not financial, but personal: perhaps emotional, certainly spiritual....what would it look like? What would my accounts receivables be? What and how much would my accounts payable be? how much equity...positive or negative? Balance Sheets are notoriously unreliable as it is well and truly a snapshot, one slice of time.

P&L statements on the other hand, are over a period of time, so the crests and troughs are clear. Is there net profit? What were the costs of goods sold? What are the income items in my life. The expense items.....do I have a high overhead....

Have I lost you. These ruminations mean a lot to me, as I have always found powerful analogies to life in the world of financial concepts and terms. My first education in this perspective was in the world of optionality, and these days more in the realm of financial statements.

A company has to reconcile its accounts often, and people need to balance their checkbooks....how often do we take stock of our lives? Take inventory.....see what a snapshot looks like....see how we have spent the last year. Look for trends, imbalances....strengths & weaknesses.

Hope this has meant something to you.

Oooops. It's a new year already!

2008-01-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

Well. My new year's resolution was to write more.....I was also going to keep to at least a monthly post on this blog...missed December, doh!

So dear reader, you find me at such a tumultuous time that I cannot even start. Though "drama" is nothing new with me, I have put myself in such a predicament that dramatic is the only way to describe it. After a fantastic break with friends in lake tahoe, though things have increased exponentially in terms of the aforementioned drama, my response to it has changed dramatically. Resignation rather than anxiety, with a dash of hope, would best describe it.

You know, in all of the power of perspective, truly, what doesn't kill me will make me stronger....so here's to strength.

Pray your next 12 months has started with a bang.

HUMAN DOING

2007-11-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

What do I have to do today? What tasks must I accomplish? What's my plan of action? My objectives. My obligations. My responsibility.

No I am not advocating negligence. After all, what is adulthood without its commensurate responsibilities. Does that define us though?

Do you have a resume?

Recently, I gave a quick biography to a student, whose assignment was to give a speech about someone's life.

Aside from the pertinent details of birthplace, schooling, employment, most of the other aspects involved my accomplishments. All my doings. Like ingredients on a bottle. But I've talked about that before; humans as products.

Who am I really. All my doings surely reflect my being. My values, convictions, priorities.

Did my being match up to my doings?

If I reviewed how I had relayed the story of my life, clear areas emerged: faith, family, community, creativity, music and business. I didn't mind that to be honest. The definitions of my human BEING.

So in the midst of your human DOINGS today, why not take a moment and consider the human being you are. And how you are outworking that in your time/space continuum.

Until next time.

Belonging & Significance

2007-10-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

BELONGING
Defined variously as happiness, security, intimacy and being at ease, in the context of relationships, BELONGING is at the core of humanity. We crave this from the day we are born. Our identity and our purpose are often driven from this key state of belonging. "Who am I" is often related to "where do I belong".

SIGNIFICANCE
Importance, meaning. We all want to matter. Down deep. Maybe some of us have given up, stuck in a routine of mediocrity and the mundane, where this side of us; the side that wants to make a difference, for our lives to mean something, to find meaning; has been snuffed out by the worries of this world.

Remember the movie "Signs". In it, the little girl has the curious habit of setting glasses of water all over the house. She belongs to her family, but her significance is not clear. It is not until the climax of the story, where they discover that the aliens, who threaten their entire existence, can be killed by water, does her TRUE significance come into play. Sometimes we don't really know our significance, but do as we are "guided". Have you had this moment yet?

Together, these two words: belonging & significance, are at the heart of every person, every group, every community. Are you part of something bigger than yourself? If so, are you important in that sphere? Do you know your purpose? Humanity, and indeed your own being, begs this question to be answered.

In this age of fragmentation, loneliness and despondency, we need to be agents of reconnection, and revealers of purpose.

Procrastination

2007-09-06T22:08:00.000-07:00

OK. Some of you do not struggle with this.

But reality is, procrastination is well and truly wasting time. Aside from physically existing, the other area we occupy is time. It's a gift. No doubt about it. A gift.

So what we do we do with a gift. We cherish it, take care of it, make the most of it. Or we throw it away or never even open the box. Or we return it.

What will you do with your day today? Is there something you know you ought to do, get started on? Complete?

Nothing more present than today!

Antidote

2007-08-16T22:44:00.000-07:00

An antidote is a substance which can counteract a form of poisoning.

Borrowed from wikipedia "Sometimes, the antidote for a particular toxin is manufactured by injecting the toxin into an animal in small doses and the resulting antibodies are extracted from the animals' blood."

I'm a Christian, and I heard this word today, and it really burst out in life to me.

As people we commit sin. So if we treat sin as a poison, which leads to death, and Jesus took all the sins of mankind upon himself, he then created the antidote, he became the antidote.

By having originally having sin in us, we create the antibodies to resist by accepting Christ, we ourselves become the antidote to sin.

Makes sense to me, I hope it does you.

Can I Pray For You

2007-08-10T01:29:00.000-07:00

It's the cliche of Christians. I'll pray for you. My friend from a Jewish background, Mark, told me recently that "I'll pray for you" means "I'll think about your situation when it occurs in my consciousness next time". I think Christians may be on the same tangent.

It sort of cheapens the whole expression.

On the other hand, my friend recently wrote me an email.....it was a prayer. I was deeply moved and at the same time completely inspired to do the same. Now instead of praying for the person in private to God, I get to do that, and send the prayer to the recipient through cyberspace.

They can now keep that. Documented.

I think I'm on a roll on this email prayer thing.

So the next time I say, "I'll pray for you". Wait for the email. I'm going to do what I say.

Looking back, for just a moment.

2007-06-20T20:04:00.000-07:00

Well. This won't be the most edifying posts, as I'm really just logging my feelings about a huge life change that we, as a family are embarking on.

We arrived in Sydney Australia, in Feb 1998, Susan 4 months pregnant. Sophia, Gabriel and Ella were all born here. On July 4th, 2007, we depart from here, after a whirlwind journey of diverse experiences, having made some deep lifelong friendships, to Los Angeles, for the next season of the Sohn family story.

Bittersweet, would be an apropos sentiment right around now. But mostly, there is a tenuous polar balance between a core sadness, and the giddiness of the promise of the future.

So, though it's brief and fleeting, I glimpse back on the road that we've travelled, and marvel at the goodness and faithfulness of God to bless us with incredible children, wonderful friends, profound experiences, purpose & fulfillment. I could say it's been a hard path that we've trodden, machete'd our way through to find direction, but if I'm objective for even a millisecond, that's really been the joy of our life together, for Susan and I, as we go forth, into the thickest jungle of all, La-La-Land.

Operating out of your Strengths

2007-05-19T13:22:00.000-07:00

Seems like absolute common sense right? Find out what you are good at, what you've got natural talents in, and try and do as much of that as possible. When I got out of the car that took me to the university in the US decades ago, I always remember the driver saying, "whatever you do son, make sure you're good at it". How true.

I was a great swimmer & runner, mostly because I discovered I had some natural aptitude. Encouraged by that, I trained as much as I could to get better. On the flipside, I was terrible at volleyball. The ball would constantly bounce off the edges of my hands, wrists, making me a liability to my team. Needless to say, I did not feel motivated to get better at that.

True it takes time to learn something, riding a bike, studying chemistry, being a husband. But what are you a 'natural' at? Chances are, you or your parents have nurtured that, become skilled and knowledgeable about your God-given gifts and talents.

What about now? In the 16 hours that you are awake, do you operate out of your strengths? In your workplace, in your home?

As someone who feels like they have spent 9 years trying to overcome weaknesses, some of them skillbased, some of them character based, it was an eye and spirit opening experience to identify my 5 top strengths and realise how little of it I was able to use in the last 9 years, because I was busily trying to become more 'well-rounded' and 'balanced.'

I took the Clifton Strengthsfinder as well as other tests, for Mosaic's Origins conference. I found that out of 34 identified strengths, that mine were: Strategic, Futuristic, Activator, Connectness, Relator. I found that I engaged in these strengths in various degrees in many spheres of my life, but really never thought to develop them, ie. develop skills and knowledge around them. Furthermore, in my work life, even my present one, I found that I spent most of my time, outside of these strengths. Basically I'm a big picture, connector guy for new things. Once they get going however, I should really step aside. But more often that not, because I feel responsible for what I started, and carry the implementation and management burden, which I'm really not naturally gifted at. I've trained myself to be adequate at those things, but they take up 85% of my time.

So I've been immensely challenged to 'specialise' in the strengths which I, my family, my friends know I have and apply them vigorously in all areas. For example, I find myself writing strategic plans about various things, but I've never developed one for myself, or my wife, or my family. Surely if I have Strategic as my top strength, I should apply it in the most important areas of my life. I have found that I am perfectly OK to be 'imbalanced' by emphasizing my strengths holistically, so long as I keep on working with God in my character issues, so I don't allow my strengths to overtake my character.

So I encourage you to think about how you are purposefully living out your life right now. Imagine what would happen if you decided to live out of your strengths, and that each member of your family, work team, church & community, did so as well.

Revolutionary, I believe.

Simplicity on Easter

2007-04-09T17:32:00.000-07:00

I was on the beach yesterday with my son Gabriel, on an idyllic Easter Monday spent with great friends. We were on waters edge, and I decided we would write in the sand with sticks. I would write something, like G-A-B-R-I-E-L and he would write under it. Then I wrote out the alphabet to be more instructional, and we read it out together. Then I wrote a really big J-E-S-U-S. Then he wrote under it. Passersby, were reading our little lane of letters, and finally arrived at our double Jesus, and we heard them say "Jesus".

Father & son, writing the name of Jesus, on the beach for people to see, in the purpose of practicing writing, on an Easter holiday. As strangers uttered his name, I found a profound simplicity of the Gospel, and how we had been a heartwarming testimony on that day.

So celebrate the risen Saviour. My son and I have been learning how.

The Power of the Blog

2007-03-05T03:49:00.000-08:00

Here I am showing a friend how easy it is to blog. I believe it is the way of the future church to connect and share ideas, and lives. how to keep accountability and keep out the fruit flakes & nuts? Not sure. But it's worth the try.

Transactional vs. Relational

2007-02-25T22:32:00.000-08:00

Which one are you? Do you have relationships with people for what you do with them, or for who they are? A hard distinction sometimes, but here's an example: say you have a friend that you play golf with. But that's all you do with them, play golf. One day you break your arm, and don't play for months. No phone call, no contact. Transactional.

Or say you go to the corner store everyday, and chat to the storekeeper, who you see more often than your friends and family. Then one day you see them on the street. He doesn't greet you, and awkardly you don't acknowledge him either. Transactional.

On the flip side, your childhood best friend who you talk to on birthdays and Christmas, if that, turns up at your doorstep. He's like your brother, and regardless of the fact that you hardly see him anymore, the bonds are as strong as ever. Relational.

So the question is, are you transactional or relational in your interactions with people, your friendships. I believe we are created for relational connections, but the world has conditioned us to be transactional people. Food for thought.

Haven't quite decided the next topic, but I'm sure it will come to me. Thanks for reading.

Think of the exit, before the entry

2007-02-11T00:38:00.000-08:00

Well this is all common sense, but I thought it would be interesting for some. I had a previous career as an equity derivatives trader. Without delving into the minutae of what that is, basically in 10 years I had to buy and sell 1 million things. Sounds impossible but it's true. One of the basic tenets of investing is to determine your upside target, and your downside limit. In life, "it's not how you start, it's how you end". Though this is just another way to say, "set goals", it actually helps you determine what you are going to do, by thinking of the results or consequences of your desired course of action. I recently invested into the company where I now work, and the "exit" was what convinced me to "enter". In marriage, if the exit is regarded as divorce, then what's the point of getting married? It really should be until death do us part. Getting to heaven, the ultimate exit, is determined by a decision to commit your life to Christ for example, which is your entry......and so on. I think you get the point.

Next time " transactional vs. relational".

Nth Degree & 6 Degrees of Separation

2007-01-11T10:49:00.000-08:00

Well. Happy New Year. 2007.

I've recently started a new job, and have had some startling examples of the above 2 concepts.

The first one is the Nth Degree. Pretty simple really. Since a pretty young age, being an imaginative boy, I would think of crazy concepts like: I am a cyborg. I would extrapolate all the things that are relevant to a cyborg, and basically take it to the nth degree, such as a global society of cyborgs. In many ways it borrows from " from Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria to the ends of the world." It's really just taking ideas to its most expansive and deep ends. This "no limits" nth degree approach to things, helps me see in the possibilities of the future, for myself, and the world at large. It frequently excites me. The next time you have an idea, how ever small, don't stop at the first thought. Take it to the nth degree. Then when you gring it back, you'll have more clarity.

Now the 6 Degrees of Separation. Ever heard of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon? In the mid-90s, it was a game to link Kevin Bacon to some other actor through no more than 6 other actors. It examines the 'small world' concept, and it has been empirically proven, even in the age fo the internet. Personally, in the last 4 months, while I was pursuing people involved in apparel, licensing, manufacturing and retail, I have been utterly amazed at the linkages that exist within people networks, and the old adage, it's not what you know, it's who you know, has become so evident.

Until next time, The topic will be, "think of the exit strategy before you start."

Borders & Boundaries

2006-12-08T18:38:00.000-08:00

I was talking to an old friend who I had not met in a long time. I found myself sharing this revelation that I had from a while back. It is the concept of borders and boundaries applied to daily life.

I'm defining boundaries as natural or universal. If you are standing on the edge of a cliff, that boundary is pretty obvious. Take one wrong step and you will end up in the abyss. If you are on an island, step into the water, and you'd better know how to swim. Boundaries are healthy, and if you don't want to cross some of them; if you do the consequences can be dire. Some boundaries are meant to be conquered, analogous to being at the foot of a mountain, and having a desire to climb it. You'll need the proper training, equipment and most importantly the will to perservere. I think you get the picture. I believe God defines boundaries for us. Cross some, and it's sin. Cross others, and you've exercised great actions of faith.

Borders on the other hand are man-made. Some are heavily fortified with missiles and guns pointed at either side. Some have caused some of the most tragic conflicts in human history. Some match natural boundaries, so seem OK, but they are sometimes excuses to hide a man-made agenda. In our lives borders can be self-created phobias, hang-ups, which prevent us from engaging with others. Some borders that we've built up in our lives can appear as serious as the Berlin Wall, or the Great Wall of China (to keep the rabbits out), but once they crumble, we see their power was only in how we perceived them. Borders prevent us from closer relationships.

I often think my journey with Christ, is one of keeping healthy boundaries, but breaking down the self-made borders that prevent me from a truly intimate relationship with Jesus. This has had a profound effect on how I live daily life, and being aware of what is a border and what is boundary and to be able to discern the difference.

The Power of Perspective

2006-11-28T06:21:00.000-08:00

During my university days, I used to 'break in' to the roof of the science library which was the tallest building in the area. Perched atop, I peered down to the hustle and bustle below: students rushing to and fro, cars cruising purposefully along the tree lined avenues. From that vantage point, I often wondered where everyone was going; engrossed in their lives, the details. It was a place where I took 'time out'; pondering about the big picture.

At street level, we rush about our lives in the busyness of it all, all the doing. Sometimes I find it helpful to 'go up on the roof' and get the broader perspective of things, as the details aren't often as important, when you see things from afar, removed from it all. It is the power of perspective.

I'm reminded of Rwanda

2006-11-16T17:07:00.000-08:00

We've all been there. You experience something transcedant. You think it will change your life. But the glow fades, and the impact diminishes. Not Rwanda. I went there in July for Hope Rwanda's final week. That experience has shifted permanently the place from which I view the world. I'm quicker to consider others, am more eager to examine opportunities to build the lives of people that I may not even know. Because I've gained a deeper sense of humanity, and conviction of the global village.

Moral Conservatives, Socio-Political Radicals

2006-11-08T05:03:00.000-08:00

Since that Ted Haggard story broke out, I've been checking out the response in the secular and christian world. It's been interesting to say the least. The world sees yet another high powered hypocrite. The church loses yet another soldier. Many have questioned why the church wants to set itself up as morally superior, considering the sins of biblical figures such as Adam, David, etc. But if we don't ATTEMPT to live morally superior by the grace of God, then what's the point. Sure we'll all fall now and again, and some of the consequences of sin will be devastating, but that doesn't mean we stop trying. Which leads me to this. I believe we are called to be moral conservatives BUT socio-political radicals. Jesus was a socio-political radicals. He railed against the Pharisees, but didn't want to bring down the Romans. Yet, some of his messages were interpreted as such. But he remained a moral conservative. But his ideas were revolutionary. So beyond the failures of Christians, prominent or not, we continue to fight, we continue to journey, we continue to live under grace, and speak the truth of Jesus, which is love.

wikipedia.org

2006-11-02T01:08:00.000-08:00

As most or all of you may know, I have spent the better part of this year, NOT working. Not in the conventional sense of the world. I've done a lot of 'exploring'. While becoming expert at cooking, driving the school bus, assisting in extracurricular activities, I've also developed a fascination with wikipedia. http://wikipedia.org This is a free and comprehensive online encyclopedia created and updated by users, like you or me. Apparently it is much more accurate than Britannica. So when I am, say curious about string theory, I go to google and type in "string theory wiki", or I go to wikipedia directly. The definition of the topic is all there and there are links and launchpoints to all related and more in depth detail on the subject. You can wiki anything. Another wiki I discovered the other day is wikiquote.org. You guessed it. All quotes. Created and updated by users. So I truly have been learning something new everyday.

It's November! Time passes fast.

2006-10-31T14:11:00.000-08:00

Well it's been a fast year hasn't it? In fact it's been the fastest year of my life. So they say, that time accelerates as you get older. Remember when you were 5. A year was a long time. In fact 20% of your life.
So that's my theory.

A year represents a smaller and smaller portion of your life as you get older, so it seems time passes faster. What's another year, when you're 85? It's the same as 3 weeks when you are 5! You get the picture.

So cherish the moments.

Recently I found out that someone I know is very sick with cancer. She is around our age. It was a shock to say the least. So as I continue to pray for a miracle for her, it dawns on me, the corny but real truth, that we should live everyday like it's our last (or our first), filled with eagerness and wonder, because time is a precious gift indeed.

Incremental Exponentialism

2006-10-08T16:13:00.000-07:00

OK. It's a bit random, but I've had a lot of time to think lately! You know how if you leave your credit card debt unpaid it seems to grow like wildfire? Well that's incremental exponentialism, also known in financial circles as compound interest. I've started to apply the 'tortoise' rule rather than the 'hare'. Everyday, I'm hoping to add positive inputs in 'increments'. There's always time to pray for 5 hours, but everyday, I make sure I read the word and pray to God. I have a shower every morning, and put clothes on before I leave the house, so why wouldn't I commune with my Lord before I set off for the day that he has made? So everyday, I take incremental actions, sometimes towards a goal, but mostly just because I enjoy it. Actions of faith, of compassion. Sowing everyday. Just like compound interest, a lifetime of positive godly increments starts to accelerate, steepen, and in the long run, at the end of our journey, we will be shocked at where we find ourselves. Incremental exponentialism. Works for me.

Pot-luck Dinner

2006-10-03T05:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it was good night. A good feed at least. It was a Chicken fiesta: parmigiana, caramel a la bill granger, roast, caesar, kebabs and much much more. We have such a great diversity of careers and interests, and such great families. It's so encouraging to me that we all endeavour to live lives that are beyond the four walls in which we exist.

October 3, 2006: Connecting in the School Holidays

2006-10-03T01:10:00.000-07:00

Ah. School holidays.....wait a minute! Children at home for two straight weeks! Our group is catching up tonight for an informal pot-luck dinner. After an idyllic 3 day weekend, and a slew of footie finals, it will be good to see how all the families are holding up.

Introducing...The Connect Group Blog

2006-09-28T06:27:00.000-07:00

We have the best connect group in the world. Families gathering....for a cuppa, for a breather, to vent, inspire, get prayed for, to give, to love, to commune...to connect. We're always better off having gathered. Yes, the decibel level is astonishing, and getting kids to bed at 9.45pm on a school night is not always the best idea, but let's live a little! The sum of our parts is truly greater than the whole.